PRESERVATION 911

I first heard this term recently from a neighbor and good friend of mine. He employed it to describe his distress and anxiety at the discovering one of our wonderful, gigantic, original old houses in the 'hood had just had its mullioned attic windows swapped out for some horrendously obvious, blaring-white vinyl numbers. He was so traumatized by the sight of these windows that he marched up to the door and asked to speak with the supervisor at the house. (It's owned by a non-profit.)

Anyway, let me not digress - the phrase stuck in my mind.

So I was thinking, if THAT was a "preservation 911," then what I saw today in the company of that very same neighbor must surely be a "preservation CALL IN THE SWAT TEAM AND THE NATIONAL GUARD!"

Okay that's dramatic, I know.

But this is BAD.

What we witnessed today was the house-lover's equivalent to a murder scene.

Yesterday a very special house came on the market. Honestly, I'm so emotional about it at this point that I'm not even sure I can adequately describe what is so special about it without simply naming it (which those of you who have followed this blog since the beginning know that I cannot do.)

But I will try.

This house is, to begin with, a singular and fascinating example of layered Victorian and Eastern styles.

This house, like only a handful of others in the city, has an incredible roller-coaster-like history of opulence, decline, restoration, decline, "remuddling," and subsequent decline once again.

This house could tell a hundred stories, I am sure.

This house is on the National Register of Historic Places.

This house is not only a historic landmark, but a visual landmark as well - in other words: if I show you a picture of it (and you live in Minneapolis,) you will KNOW this house immediately. (Heck, you will know it if I tell you nothing more than the COLOR.)

So my neighbor and I went to see this house. It was like a pilgrimage... I actually couldn't believe that I suddenly had the power to enter it, just by virtue of my licensure as a Realtor. I felt like this was the kind of place that one needs an engraved invitation and a particular social status in order to cross the threshold.

But cross it I did.

And the sight was horrifying.

Offensive placement of kitchens and stairways and bathrooms aside (parlor-turned-kitchenette should be illegal,) the worst by far was the vandalism.

Broken newel-post, kicked-out porch rail, cracked, missing and half-pried-away stained glass windows were among the worst atrocities we spied. And of course three of the four fireplace mantels had been brutally yanked from their walls. (I guess the fourth was just too big to take?)

Mildew.

A turret dome missing its point.

Mixed-rare-wood parquet flooring bizarrely cut out to accommodate basement laundry access.

A dumpster in the back was filled with furniture, some of which had clearly been tossed like so much garbage off of upper balconies by some REO trash-out crew.

A decorative fence, run into by some sort of vehicle, reduced to a pile of mangled iron on one side.

And of course, missing copper (stupid effing copper.) I'd sooner the house had every last foot of copper taken than its windows broken though, just for the record. Hellooooo PEX!

I was ready to have a seizure walking through this place.

In retrospect I should have anticipated this. The price is way too low for a good-condition house of this kind. But I had hoped...

At any rate, while all of this is totally horrifying, the house is still completely salvageable. I was shocked by the condition, but after digesting it, I will say that it's still not as bad as many others I have seen.

I just didn't believe that such things could happen to THIS HOUSE... because I guess I (wrongly) assumed that it was somehow sacrosanct.

So ANYWAY... if you know anyone who wants to do a restoration on an incredible, grand, and terribly important local landmark... well... you know where to find me for details and assistance. Like I intimated, the price is NOT super-high.

I will not only help someone BUY* this house, but I will come back and donate labor to RESTORE it.

Consider that a promise.











*for purposes of preservation/restoration, that is.